Why do some people see their loved ones who have already died before they die? Near-death experiences.
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| Why do some people see their loved ones who have already died before they die? Near-death experiences. |
It was April 1999 when American Dr. Christopher Kerr saw an incident during his practice that changed the course of his career.
A 70-year-old woman named 'Merry' was under his treatment. She was a patient who was almost on the verge of death and her four children were around her in the hospital room. All their children were adults and grown up.
Shortly before her death Mary sat on the bed and began to move her arms as if she were holding a child in her arms and making love. But the doctor and his children in the room could not see anyone, he was a creature that they could see. She repeatedly calls the unseen child as 'Dean' and makes gestures as if she is hugging and kissing the child.
Mary's gestures surprised everyone, as even her children did not know who the 'Dan' she was calling was.
After some time, Mary died. The next day, when her sister arrived at the hospital, she told them that their first son, Dean, born to Mary decades ago, was stillborn at birth.
The trauma of losing him was so great that Mary spent the rest of her life not talking about the baby, never even talking to her own children about it. However, at the time of death, seeing the son she lost so many years ago seemed to give the woman peace.
Dr. Kerr has recounted this story in numerous interviews and lectures to illustrate how he changed his career in the medical field and found himself caring for terminally ill patients (shortly before death). Decided to devote to studying the last experiences that occurred.
25 years after what happened to Mary, Dr. Kerr is considered an expert on the subject of the study of end-of-life experiences.
According to them, the dying person becomes aware of these experiences weeks before death and the occurrence of such events increases as the end of life approaches.
Dr. Kerr says that he has seen people recall important moments of their lives before death. Seen talking to their mothers, fathers, children and even pets, who had died many years ago.
For anyone before death, these visions are real and intense and bring comfort to the patient.
According to Dr. Kerr, people who have these types of near-death experiences do not have confused or disorganized thoughts, and although their physical health declines, they feel better emotionally and spiritually. But many doctors dismiss these phenomena as 'hallucinations' (unreal and imaginary) or the result of confusion.
That is why Dr. Kerr started an important research in America in 2010. Until then, most stories about such experiences before death had been told by a doctor or a third party other than the patient, but Dr. Kerr began a formal survey on a scientific basis.
In this survey, he personally interviewed and examined many patients before they died to ensure that they were not under the influence of confusion or hallucinations.
His research focuses on the frequency with which these experiences occur in the final moments of life. How many days before death do they begin, what do patients feel during this time and what are the effects on the family members?
The results of this survey have already been published in several scientific articles. Dr. Kerr has yet to find a definitive answer to explain these experiences and says that understanding the cause was not the main focus of his study.
In 2020, Dr. Kerr published the book 'Death as But a Dream: Finding Hope and Managing at Life's End'. Written in Spanish, this book has been translated into 10 languages.
Q: You began working with terminally ill patients and observing end-of-life experiences in 1999. You have been conducting scientific research on this topic since 2010, collecting and analyzing data. After all these years, what have you learned from these experiences?
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| Why do some people see their loved ones who have already died before they die? Near-death experiences. |
Answer: 'I think that the process of dying is much deeper than what we (or the relatives) observe. The process of dying makes you think and the dying person focuses on the things that mattered most in his life, the achievements in life and the relationships.'
'And interestingly, these relationships come back to life in a very meaningful and positive way, validating the life we've lived and in turn reducing our fear of dying. are.'
'What we expect is an increase in mental distress as people face the end of their lives. But usually we don't see these emotions in a dying person.
So, it is the opposite of what we think of death. We don't experience death in the same way that we have a view of death.'
Question: Based on your research, how common are these end-of-life experiences?
Answer: According to our research, about 88 percent of near-death experiencers had at least one such experience. Our rate (88 percent) is probably even higher because we interact with patients near death on a daily basis to find out about their experiences.
Dying is a natural process. When you talk to a patient at the beginning of the week (i.e. Monday), it is quite possible that the reaction you get from the patient will be very different from the reaction you get at the end of the week (i.e. Friday). That is why try to ask them about their experiences on a daily basis. We have noticed that as the patient approaches death, the number of such incidents increases.
Question: What kind of visions and dreams does the deceased see before death?
Answer: About one-third of those interviewed near death discuss topics such as travel. In this journey they are joined by their loved ones who have died before them. Interestingly, the frequency of sightings of the dead increases as one approaches death. For the dying person, seeing and feeling the deceased brings peace and comfort.
"Therefore, as people approach death, as the number of such events increases, they tend to feel calmer as a result."
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| Why do some people see their loved ones who have already died before they die? Near-death experiences. |
Another interesting point is who they see in their dreams. There are a large number of people who were very close to the deceased in his life or whom he loved very much, who supported and protected the deceased at all times during his life. In simple words, the people who were very close to the deceased. And among these persons, one of the parents i.e. only the mother and only the father or both are on top, or a brother or sister.
Question: Sometimes patients dream, but other times they have the experience while awake. Is there a difference between these two types of experiences?
Answer: This is something that surprised us. When we asked people near their death about this, the answers reflected a mixed trend
And we don't know how to deal with this matter. The duration of sleep increases gradually before death. The difference between day and night disappears. And since patients rate the authenticity of their experiences 10 out of 10 on a questionnaire, we can't say for sure.
"They may be having a very vivid dream, so vivid that they feel as though they are awake." But we don't really know. But clearly, if we believe what our patients say, the fact is that they are not always asleep while going through these experiences.
Question: What is the difference between the end-of-life experiences of children and adults?
Answer: Children perceive it better because they don't have the filters that adults do. Children naturally have an open mind. They do not draw clear boundaries between imagination and reality. They don't even have a clear concept of death in their mind, so they live in the moment they are passing through. They do not think of events and their end in a sequential manner.
'We often find that these experiences of children are very creative and colorful in nature and they seem to instinctively know what they mean.'
Question: What is the effect of these experiences on the relatives and close people of the deceased?
"We have published two papers on the issue, including interviews with 750 people. In this regard, the results are interesting. The manner in which the dying leaves us and departs from the world is important. In essence, what is good for the deceased is also good for his loved ones.
You have a PhD in neurobiology, but on the other hand you say that you cannot explain the origin of these near-death experiences. So how has your perspective on this topic gradually changed as a therapist?
I will make a polite request. I have witnessed cases where what I was seeing was so deep and meaningful, and the meaning of the experience to the patient so clear and precise, that I felt as if I were a person just watching the experience. I am intruding on the process full of certainty.'
'It seemed to me a futile endeavor to try to understand the reason. I came to the conclusion that it was important to respect that the fact that I could not explain the origin and process did not invalidate the patient's experience.
'And then on a few occasions, instead of asking questions of the dying person, I just sat back and just stayed there and watched. I felt it was wrong to medicalize something that was a very personal process in that person's life and it wasn't really my place to interfere."
Question: I know you have said many times that you hate this question, but I would still like to ask if you are a religious person. Do you believe in life after death? Did your religious beliefs change while working on this topic?
"Ever since we started this research, we have been very disciplined and try not to interpret pre-death experiences beyond death. Because we did not want to interpret the process of dying, but only to understand the process of dying. It was to be seen as a mystery, to respect the patient's words and experience, without attempting to explain, explore or comment. We tried to be as objective as possible.
Death is like a door with a key. You can see things differently. So we are very disciplined in not interpreting.
But after this explanation I will not say that I am religious. But I hope I certainly look at it all with openness and respect.'
"I think what I feel in my 25 years of experience on this issue is that there's a better story and I don't know what it is."
"I have seen a 95-year-old man who lost his mother at the age of five. But before he dies 90 years after losing his mother, he hears his mother's voice and tries to smell her fragrance.
'Here you feel there is something more. The process of death and dying cannot be described as something empty.'
